I just wish I could not give a fuck like I used to, forreal.
Like, even though I tell people that I don’t give a fuck…90% of the time I really do give a fuck.
But I don’t want to seem like a selfish bitch if I do point out all the things that bother me…
I don’t know how to feel anymore…I don’t really know what to do.
Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel so insecure now?
I’m with you but I don’t feel like I’m enough…I’m with you, but I feel like I’m forever going to have to prove that I’m not the fucked up person you think I am.
You love me for who I am.
But my past doesn’t make me who I am. My past has TAUGHT me to not go down that road…Though I know it hurts you, I wish there was something I could just do to make you forget about the horrible person I used to be. I guess all I can do is show you by keeping all the promises I made to you.
You need to realize that being with you makes me want to reflect you.
You make me want to strive for perfection.
But at the same time…ugh…I don’t know…I hate feeling this way…but I’m sure that when I come home it’ll go away……least I hope…
And…you also need to realize…You’ll never understand the pain that I had to push through as SOON as I left to basic training. You will never know the emotional hardships I had to deal with…I wish there was a way you could understand…but there’s not…unless you got into the military or went to jail. But I never want either of those things to happen so…yeah…
I just wish that you could keep trying to let go of your insecurities just like i’m trying to let go of mine. We both have said/done some mad fucked up shit to each other…it’s not about getting even.
It’s about moving past it to work towards our happily ever after.
Yano what’s funny too? Your cousin even posted this as his status earlier today,
“Everyone is damaged goods. You will never find someone that is perfect, without baggage , without a past, without life’s drama. If you are holding out for this hypothetical dream mate, you will more than likely be living a long life of solitude. Look past people’s indiscretions, get to know who they are, not who they use to be. Life’s too short.”
We’ll be drawn more closely to one another.
Somehow, somehow, I have a feeling we’ll be able to stand firm…